Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So squirting runs in the family.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
