I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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