I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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