he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
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Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
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Why can't burritos get me drunk
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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