he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
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i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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