do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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