I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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