Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
