In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
