day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
