girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
