it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
