i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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