I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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