he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
