worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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