Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
