Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
