he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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