Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
