i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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