Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Pappa wants mamma naked
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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