I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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