I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
