Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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