I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My ATM looks so different sober.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
