...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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