Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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