Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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