alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
