It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
