I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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