you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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