I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
