Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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