Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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