Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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