Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
