I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
