It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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