Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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