last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
