can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
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I wish there were birth control emojis
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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