and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
