she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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