i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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