So drunk its hurt
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
