I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
