First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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