How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
