i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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