hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
