im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
