I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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