forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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