it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
