Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
