its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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