I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i believe in u and ur pee
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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