So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
