as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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