Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
