Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
