You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
