so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Two words: nipple clamps
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