Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
