Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
