Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's never too late to be topless.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
