So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
