Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't deserve a penis
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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