All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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