If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
