the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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