you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
