i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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