I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
