shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My brain says no but my pants say off.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
