This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
