toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
