I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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