New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I touched a dick in church today
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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