if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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