I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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