Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
