I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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